Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
