Sry I called you an 8
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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