i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
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i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
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yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
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