hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
then he tried to convert me to islam
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
