There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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