Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
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How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
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He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
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