nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
