its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
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