Fine. I'll sleep in my office
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
