maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
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