gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
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you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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