we have pet lesbian snakes
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
