I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
