If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
