Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Please, let me fuck your mom
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
the liver wants what the liver wants
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
