Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
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