Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Randomize
