I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
