what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
