My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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