the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
