i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I just pynch a tree in the face
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
