Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
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Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
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High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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