someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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