thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Verdict: uncircumcised.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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