what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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