ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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