hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
