Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize