honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
