I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
jump out the window naked night went bad
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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