I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I understand Curling. That high.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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