I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
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You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
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Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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