I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
As shirtless as possible
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Randomize
