The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
