I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
