I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
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