well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
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