Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Randomize
