i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
