I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
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