Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
