Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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