What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Randomize