pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Randomize
