I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Randomize
