all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
