when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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