I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
This toilet bowl is my home.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
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