well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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