Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Randomize
