And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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