Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Randomize
