JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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