Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
