I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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