Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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