Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
