I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize
