Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
