i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
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