If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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