the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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