My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
vagina is talking i cant
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
