I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
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