So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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