is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
