singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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