I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
