I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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