ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
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she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
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Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
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