I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
