**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
