i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
