no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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