Whatcha textin bout Willis?
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
