they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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