I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
