i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Hungover. No words. Just memes.