so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi