toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
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