both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
True strength comes from lack of pants
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
